Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
