He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
