i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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