I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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