that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
