she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
