Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
