my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Randomize
