the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize