I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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