You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
