After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
