I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
