If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
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