i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
