I just threw up on my dentist
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
