I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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