I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
There r osticjed everywhere
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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