my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
