foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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