My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
