DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize