Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
