my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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