i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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