First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Sober January is a disaster.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
