You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
