I'm so fucking centered right now
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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