There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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