I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
