I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
