i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
