I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
