I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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