I got chris browned last night
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
