And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Are my feet made of real feet?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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