I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
