so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
