Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize