What did we do last night that was yellow?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
