I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
