See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
