Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
