My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
