is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
