My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
