if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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