There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
