U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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