Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
farters have to be the big spoon...
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize