i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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