I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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