I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize