What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize