i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
