dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
