Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
