what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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