I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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