Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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