they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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