Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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