Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
