Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
